


AtaDANta and the Golden Maltesers

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, atalanta and the golden apples, based on a greek myth, but with mario kart, dan is atalanta, maltesers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan Howell is the best Mario Kart player in the world.Dan Howell is also one of the most romantically requested YouTubers in the world.Dan Howell is a bachelor and wishes to remain so forever.Dan Howell is pressured into finding someone.So Dan Howell makes a decree that the first person to beat him at Mario Kart would win his hand in marriage.





	

“The person who can beat me at Mario Kart shall win my hand in marriage.”

Dan Howell was one of the most sought-after YouTubers in the world. He received marriage proposals daily, and his parents were urging him to pick one. He, however, did not wish to marry, and thus had tried to avoid the suitors throwing themselves at him. Eventually, it got to him, and his parents were urging him more than ever, but he did not want to marry just anyone. He needed someone who was both equal of intellect and interests.

Dan decided to make a compromise to appease the crowds and his parents, as well has himself. He made an announcement over Twitter, declaring that the one to beat him at Mario Kart would be his spouse. Dan made this decree with the knowledge that not one single person had ever beat him at Mario Kart. Even the gaming god himself, Pewdiepie, could not defeat the champion. In essence, it was a foolproof plan to ensure Dan would remain a bachelor.

For the weeks following the fateful tweet, hundreds of people lined up to combat Dan. None were able to beat him. Some entered multiple times, only to be defeated again. One suitor, Phil Lester, was a skilled gamer, but he knew he could not beat Dan. So he prayed to the goddess of love and beauty, Louise, to help him win the heart of the unattainable Dan. Louise was concerned with the romantic life of such an attractive man, and was relieved to find someone worthy of his affections; she knew that if the romance-averse man were to pick anyone, it would be Phil Lester. Phil was a ray of sunshine; he was cheerful, kind, and seemingly innocent, not to mention a huge nerd. In essence, he was the perfect counterpart to the brooding, introverted, even more of a nerd Dan.

Louise thought of the best way to give Phil the victory. She asked Phil “What do you know about Dan Howell?”

Phil thought carefully. “I know that beside video games, he likes anime, Muse, um, Maltesers-”

“Ahh, that’s it!” Louise exclaimed. She elaborated, “In one week, I will provide you with irresistible Maltesers. During the race, you will present him with them one at a time, allowing you to get ahead of him.

“That’s… actually really smart. Thank you so much!” Phil cried out. Louise smiled and disappeared.

 

 

 

The next week, Phil waited for his turn to take on Dan. Just as he was about to enter the room where Dan waited, Louise appeared, and handed Phil bag. Inside the bag, three golden Maltesers the size of tennis balls rested. Phil thanked her (though he was confused), then went to meet his fate.

Dan scoffed when he saw Phil enter the room, though he couldn’t deny how pretty Phil was. It didn’t matter. Dan had seen many beautiful men, women, and nonbinary people come through; nothing mattered unless they could beat him. Dan laughed to himself. Ironically, the man who just walked in was the two thousand and twenty-second person to challenge him, which was prophesied to be the year he would get married. Phil sat down on the couch next to Dan and took up a controller. He smiled at Dan.

“Hello, I’m Phil.” Phil greeted cheerfully.

“Dan. But you knew that already,” Dan countered, monotonous. “You get to pick the level, but we both are playing with the standard karts.”

Phil nodded, and pondered his options. He knew that with Louise on his side, he would have a much better chance at winning than other challengers. Phil finally decided on the most notoriously difficult level. So he announced “How about Rainbow Road?”

Dan smirked. He leaned back on the couch and muttered “How fitting.”

Phil didn’t notice, of course, because was busy going over his plan to distract Dan with the Maltesers.

Dan asked “Are you ready?”

Phil nodded. Dan pressed start. The race started, both men silent as they focused on the race. Dan pulled ahead easily, gliding around the track as though he had done this millions of times (which he had).

When Dan had separated from the rest of the players, around the figure-eight area, Phil handed Dan the first golden Malteser. Magical force or just utter confusion led to Dan looking at the sparkling treat.

Phil, noticing Dan’s hesitation, explained: “It’s a Malteser. I know you like them, so I brought you some.”

Dan nodded in understanding. Then he suddenly remembered the game. He quickly picked up his controller again. Phil had managed to speed ahead of him, and the CPU characters were close on his tail. Phil smiled to himself as he shot through the star-rainbow tunnel. He knew his chances were increased now that he had thrown off Dan’s focus. Dan continued to pull ahead, however, and passed Phil.

Phil frowned. He stayed right behind Dan for a while. When they made it back around to the part where the track moves up and down, Phil handed Dan another glittering Malteser. This time, now that he knew what it was, whatever enchantment Louise had placed upon it caused Dan to take a small bite of it.

Dan made an obscene moaning noise. Phil looked at him in disgust and confusion.

“What? It’s really good.” Dan defended himself, returning to the game. Phil shrugged. Dan fell off the course. He shouts “Dammit, that never happens. This is unfair, you’re distracting me.”

Phil laughs, speeding into his third lap. Dan manages to catch up despite his previous mistakes, and Phil is honestly amazed by his skills. Then, as they split ways at the fork in the road in the last section of the track, Phil throws Dan the last Malteser.

Dan catches it before it hits the floor. “This is unfair,” (Dan goes back to the game) “though I commend you for actually using your brain to” (he nearly falls off) “win my affections.”

Phil smirked as he heard this, then slid through the finish line for the final time.

“DAMMIT!” Dan shrieks. Then he relaxes, realizing what his loss means. “Oh wow.”

“Does that mean-” Phil is cut off by Dan’s lips crashing into his. Phil pulls back “Oh.”

“Sorry, that was uncalled for. I’m just excited to be done with Mario Kart. It’s been weeks. And, you know, you are really pretty. And--fuck, I mean--if I had to marry anyone, you’re probably the best choice.” Dan rambled. Phil smiled and embraced him happily.

“I’m glad I’m the best choice.” Phil giggled into Dan’s ear. “Now you should probably go tell everyone.”

“Hold on,” Dan mumbled. He disappeared into a door behind the couch. Phil sat on the couch, waiting. He wondered if Dan had run away because he didn’t want to marry Phil. Then Dan returned, holding a small black box in his hand.

“Congratulations, Phil. You beat me at Mario Kart. Not only did you beat me, but you did it in a clever way. So, Phil, would you do me the honor of marrying me?” Dan opened the box to reveal a ring patterned with pixelated bricks, inset with a blue gemstone surrounded with four tiny Lumas. (See right in picture below)

 

(Sorry but you have to right click and then open in new tab)

 

“Oh my god! YES, of course.” Phil embraced Dan for the second time. They look at each other, then burst into laughter. “This whole thing is insane.” Phil remarked. Dan slides the ring onto Phil’s left ring finger. He revealed a similar ring with a red gemstone on his own hand.

“Yeah, I don’t think I really thought this through.” Dan admitted, clinging to Phil. “You don’t have to be immediately in love with me, obviously. We can take it slow.”

“Yeah, I wondered about that,” Phil laughed. “I mean, I obviously like you, or I wouldn’t be here, but I want to _know_ you. I want to know what you’re really like.”

Dan smiled and pulled Phil closer. “I guess it’s time to go out and talk to people.”

“My least favorite activity.” Phil admitted. He reluctantly stepped out of the hug.

“Ohmygod me too!” Dan chuckles. He grabbed Phil’s hand and walked toward the door.

 

Epilogue:

It had been a total of thirteen years since they had gotten engaged, but those thirteen years had been the best years of both Dan and Phil’s life. They had been utterly inseparable.

After about a year, the death threats for Phil had stopped coming, and instead were replaced by questions every day asking about the wedding. Dan and Phil had laughed them off, saying that it wasn’t time yet.

However, it was 2022, and Dan and Phil had finally decided to get married. They actually proposed to each other (though they did keep the rings from their original engagement), and they had made their plans.

Dan and Phil decided that they had to be apart for the last few hours while they got ready for the wedding. Their friends PJ and Chris were happy to help them, though.

“Are you nervous?” Chris inquired.

“I don’t think so. Should I be?”

“I mean, what if aliens come and steal your cake?” Chris suggested.

“You’re not helpful,” Dan glared at Chris. “Alien invasions aside, we’ve just been together so long that this just seems natural.”

“Yeah, I see what you’re saying.” Chris smiled.

Dan re-buttoned his tuxedo jacket for the fifth time, checking in the floor-length mirror to make sure all the buttons were in the right holes. Chris presented Dan with his tie.

 

In the room across the hall, PJ was consoling a hysteric Phil.

“What if after we get married, he decides he doesn’t like me at all?” Phil cried.

“Don’t worry. If Dan managed to put up with you for thirteen years, I think he could handle you for the rest of his life.” PJ reassured him.

“Yeah, but what if he didn’t want to go this far, and didn’t know how to get rid of me?” Phil continued.

“I’ve had the unfortunate opportunity to be in a hotel room next to yours, and I’m guessing that he definitely wants to go through with this.” PJ laughed.

“I guess you’re right.” Phil conceded.

PJ smiled and handed Phil his tie.

 

“I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom.”

Their lips collide. The crowd cheers. Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, and Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s neck. They kiss again, smiling this time.

 

During the reception, they act like they would at any party: in the corner with the food. Dan whispers to Phil “I’m still better at Mario Kart than you.”

Phil replies “Sure, but I beat you that one time.”


End file.
